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The choice

I made this choice. To be here. Do I ever regret it ?

Should I ever regret it ? It gives me a tough time. I don't have a life like others do. bla bla bla

Life is always a choice. You are the one who decide it. Whether or not it was influenced by others, at the end of the day when you reflect back, you are the one who made the choice.

Taking medicine is a choice that I made years ago. A big decision that I made when I was young and impulsive. Influenced by all those dramas in TV that surely did not reflect the true struggles. But surely, there were nice stories from those seniors from school. Despite of all the negative things that I heard such as spending most your life with your books, sacrificing your leisure time for oncalls, teachings and again studying which is true at most time, not having a life like others and the worst things I heard was that you have to sleep with dead bodies before you could pass your degree (which is not true at all!!!, but silly me I believe it when I was a school student and that scared me a lot), I bravely made that choice to become a doctor.

Initially, I never wanted to study in Malaysia. I have a dream of studying in a place that is so pretty and nice. I put all my effort during my SPM years just to go there. During our mock-MARA scholarship interview I never talk about those universities in Malaysia because I was this dreamer you know. But eventually after that, I was not offered a place to where I wanted to go with the course that I wanted to do but instead I was given a second choice of doing engineering at the place which I could also consider nice. I sometimes wonder why I rejected that offer but yup I did not regret it. Don't worry. That was my first episode of being rejected, you know how frustrating and sad it is. I cried days with buckets of tears. I was just joking okay haha. I did cry but I move on a few days later. At that time, I was here already in UM doing my foundation. I realized that I was destined to be here.

Life is sometimes pretty hard in here. But most of the time you just enjoy it (until you realised that your exam is just few days away). But no matter what happen, you will enjoy your time here through the thick and thin part of life as a medical students with your friends. I love these medical books, notes, information and all. I am not lying because these knowledge are amazing for me. Where can one go and study about how your own body functions other than taking medicine. But I cannot take it when I have to study all at once within a short period of time. I felt like I was not given that chance to understand things but just memorized it anyway. Memorizing is the worst method of studying for me. You tend to forget the knowledge at the speed of lightning. You memorise it, came to exam hall and vomit your knowledge. Few days later, when you read back the same topic, it feels like your first time. But I got a few friends with the good memory so do not worry you can always survive too. It depends on an individual though. After almost 5 years, I have a family in here where I shared the joy and the sad part of my life. I have a few good friends, a good streammate and lots of dedicated doctors and the most important people are those amazing patients.

Talking about your personal life when you made this choice, it really depends on a person skills of multitasking. If you can cope up to do multiple relationship with books, your family and ehem ehem (haha) then it's good. I can't do this multitasking things, if I pushed you away for a while it means that I am doing something important for my future. But don't worry, if you are one of my treasure (I mention it in my previous post), you'll always be in my heart. *wink* And thank you for those who made the effort to stay with me.

"The profession that I chose, was, has always been and will always be my priority"

I experience a few tough time here. I cried. I fall, tried to get back up, stumbled and fall again, stand up, walk and run and hopefully one day fly.

But if you ask me again carefully not playfully despite of all those trials, my true answer would be " NO, I never regret my decision. "

Believe in yourself, keep your heart strong, surely you can do it. Whoever you are, whatever you are doing, wherever you are, have faith. Things happen for a concrete reason. Do not blame and punish yourself for a choice that you've made. You can do it and you are almost there!

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