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Am I ready ?

Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That's the hardest part and that's what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Do not go with the flow. Be the flow. - A novel of Rumi, Forty rules of love, Elif Shafak

Am I ready to let things go and start a new life on my own in a new place with a group of new people. I know I will and I can as long as I want it to be. Like how people always said where there’s a will, there’s a way. Yet, why do I feel like it's strenuous to even make a single move this time around?  I was trying hard to find thousand of reasons to move on.  This feelings somehow felt so familiar. It was the similar feeling when I have to force myself to move on from being too attached to my high school good friends to start a new life in a university. Miraculously, I did it. Perhaps, now I’m overly attached to those good buddies and best friend that I have back in university. The only thing I hate about being in there for as long as I can remember is the exams. That’s it. Life is always good there.

They said time heals. I hope it does.

Being someone who is very positive, is an element that I look up to be, each day. Bear in mind that it's not an element that you can take for granted. It's something that you need to work hard on and earned. Similar like kindness. It's easy to advice people to be kind, but an act of genuine kindness is something that you have to earned. Well, practice makes perfect. Therefore, I taught myself that, for every thing that happen in life, it's a good thing. Even when terrible things happened, I always convince myself that behind every dark cloud there's a silver lining. Sometimes, I don't listen to myself but frequently, I do. So I took that frequent chances to improve myself.

Therefore, although I know that it would be hard but hey life goes on! Even without the ones you love to be with all the time. You can't choose who you want to be with while you climb the ladder of success unless you want to settle down. Then, it's fine. You can choose to stay at a familiar place with a familiar faces, and with your family around. Life is always a choice. It's not one for all solution. You can't tell that what's good for every one else will be good for you too.

As for me, even if I have scar left after leaving places that felt like home, I still choose to move around. Despite knowing the fact that it'll be difficult for me to look for the strength needed to start a new life, I don't mind. It's a short term effect. You won't know what's going to happen long term if you don't bother to give it a try. I choose not to be comfortable because I have not found what I've been looking for. Not that I am ungrateful with whatever I already have, it's just that there's still something that I need. Of course, I yearn for experience and knowledge. I started from zero. I, myself, am not sure the level that I need to unlock in order for me to own what I've been searching for. Maybe a hundred, or two hundred or a thousand. I can't answer that.

When you fall apart at times, look for your support system. Be it family or friends, those who you trust and understand you the most. Ask for help from them.

So, am I ready? Ready or not, my future is waiting for me, so I have to be ready.

Bismillahirahmanirahim, for this new journey. May I gain new knowledge this time, new experience, meet incredible people in life that I can look up to, improve myself, get all my 2019 checklist done, and of all, I always wanted to learn to be kind. I still need to learn a lot though.

2018 taught me a lot about life. I brought in so many positive and good values in life that people taught me in 2018 into 2019. More to come? Yes.

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