A miracle

If you count the blessings in life, you can never finish.

I have just finished my final medical professional exam when I was writing this. The tense that the professional exam gave you was not cool at all kids and dear readers. Maybe true, it depends on people. I took it very seriously and I believe all of us do. I always wanted to be a doctor and I do not want to disappoint myself especially, and of course my parents. But, they never push me. I remember that when I cried the night before clinical exam started, my dad said that no matter what happen in the end, you failed or you get kicked out or you passed your exam with flying colours, you will always be my daughter. Remember that. I will remember that for life. I will remember how my mother called me to check on me every single hours to make sure that I am okay. Blessed to have such a great and supportive family. Maybe you would wonder, where are all your friends? I purposely do not want to disturb any of them and I know the nervousness, the tense that I felt, they feel the same way to. I should just carry the burden myself for now. So, every time I came out of my room or met my friends who were going to take exams as well, I will try to smile. Negative thought is a big no-no at that time or else you are going to have a submarine low motivation. You know you have to stay positive and make others feel like “Yeah, we can do this! Don’t worry buddy.” no matter how unprepared you are.

And I remember reading this verse from Quran:

Yakinlah, janji Allah itu pasti. [Al-Baqarah:80]

Allah does not burden a soul beyond that they can bear [Al-Baqarah:286] 

Remember this kids, wherever you go whatever you do.

Let me tell you a story.

I was doing a surgery case. I got obstetric case where the patient had threatened preterm labour with underlying gestational diabetes mellitus. I was told to take a 15 minutes history. I knew that I can never completed an obstetric history in 15 minutes. Initially, I did it following the template that was taught to us. 5 minutes passed, I still can't get the diagnosis. Thus, I decided to ask history that will lead me to the current diagnosis and help with my management plan later. And of course, there were a lot more that I missed. At that moment, I promised to myself that one day if I were to become a doctor, I would take an extensive history.  10 minutes left, I was told to do physical examination. And in the end the Examiner 1 asked me what else you wanted to do. There is of course a lot more, thyroid, lung, breast, cardiovascular so I just list out those things that I wanted to do but unable to perform. Examiner 2 was looking at me and pointing at the patient leg with his eyes. And so I add on, the patient leg for pedal oedema. Thank you Examiner 2. You have always been a great lecturer to me and my friends all this while. I was so sad as I could not finished my history and PE.

So what did we do in the room after that? I was asked questions about management of preterm labour from the first time I saw the patient. My mind was blank and I took a few seconds before I started to talk. Though I did read on obstetric topics this morning before exam, I just scan through and I did not remember by hard as I expected to get a breast cancer case(I always wanted a breast cancer cases haha). So everything in my mind was about breast cancer. However, miraculously, I blurted out the answers like it was not from me. I never knew I could do that because obstetric posting was my first posting, I did not practice a lot, and I revised my obstetric the least during study week because of general surgery. (I bet Dr Koong will get mad at me for blaming general surgery. hehe. But it was a lot and so I spent most of my time on general surgery) The bell rang right after I finished with my last plan which is the screening for the patient. What made me cry was that, in the end, before I came out, Prof Emelda said "Well Done, Dr!" I was so tired and stress and tense and I heard a single compliment from a lecturer, it cause me to cry a river. And I really hope I pass my professional exam at first try. I have try my very best and I am so sure we all did. I saw how my friends walking at the corridor making coffee at 4 in the morning just to stay awake.

So moral of the story is that, you always have to have faith in yourself. You cannot give up at this point. No matter how hard you need to cry, cry as long as you still got tears but never never never give up. No matter how heavy the burden is, that it cause you to fall, it is okay. Still, try to get up. And there my favourite quote by Martin Luther King Jr. goes, if you cannot fly, run. If you cannot run, walk. If you cannot walk, crawl. But, whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward. You have to be persistent at times to reach your goal. And remember, Allah is always there with us for us.

And last but not least, if you feel tired fighting over whatever battle that you are going through, remind yourself that, "This too shall pass." Come on, you don't want to miss this chance, you don't want to waste it and regret it later. So, put your 200% effort on it. To be honest, I am super tired because every single day starting from the study week, the most sleep I could get was only about 4 hours a day. But, I didn't regret it. I am satisfied with the outcome, InsyaAllah.