" No one can tell your story so tell it yourself. No one can write your story so write it yourself"

Finally, I've started with my clinical years and I started off with an eye posting. A month in eye posting and I gain a lot more confidence that I didn't have during my non-clinical years. I met a lot of supportive doctors and patients. Although the routines everyday makes me feel very tired, I still can go back smiling. Really, I fall in love with my work. First day of posting, I do feel lost. I don't know what to do, who to follow as there will be no one to guide you, what should I study, who to ask and refer to. I feel like giving up on the first day itself. However, I try to remind myself that I am standing this far already and giving up now means that I kinda waste a lot of my time. Thus, on the second day, I try to figure things out. I try to observe, look, and talk with the nurses, doctors and even the patients. I feel a bit better but still I feel lost. I am very frustrated and sad. Nasib baik cuti lepas tu. A week of holiday, I try to read up a bit on the basic t...

Today is my dad 50th birthday. I'm a daddy's girl in a not-so-obvious way. Well, I guess I get everything from him from the physical look till the personality. My dad is a very thin man. No matter how much he eat, he will always end up in that size. Me? More or less the same. I usually eat twice of what my friends eat but I hardly gain any weight. He's also a very tall man. And so do I. A very tall, pretty woman. Please do agree with the pretty part. Hehe. My dad is a very quiet man. He didn't talk much. He likes to listen more rather than be the one who talks. When doing work, you'll not hear anything from him. And so when there's any "issues" that happen in the house, mom would be the noisy one. My dad would just keep calm and wait until everything settled down. He would then approach us, talk to us personally and ask first what' s the problem. He'll come with a solution and a bit of advice so that we will not repeat the same mistake agai...

It has been a long time since I last shared anything here. Well, blame the final exam for that. It's my 2nd day of 3rd year as a meds student. I should have start my clinical year doing ward round at the hospital but nahhhh I'm still here sitting in the hall hearing lectures for the very last block which happen to be the oncology block. How was the final exam? Damn hard. Oppsss sorry for the harsh words dear reader. I have a real hard time during the study week. Can you imagine that I have to finish everything that I have study for the past 2 years in just a week. Yeah, I'm not kidding a weeekkkk.Well, actually we do have 2 weeks of holidays before the final exam. Some people just use the 2 weeks to study but me I was using one week for celebrating eid mubarak and I was left with just a week to finish everything. hahaha. But who doesn't want to celebrate eid mubarak right especially after a month of fasting. Duhhhhh!! Not enough with that, another problemo came ...

When I mention about family it does mean the whole family. From my grandpa, grandma, aunty, uncle, cousin, mom, dad, siblings and all that. Each year, our eid will be like cooking the whole night and go to each other home to check each other cookings and also do some chit chat till dawn arrived. We never slept at the night of eid. We enjoyed ourselves so much together and this continue till noon of first day of eid in which our energy started to deteroriate and we all would eventually go to sleep. And this goes on till end of a month of hari raya. Haha. That's my family. We are never too tired to spend time together all the time.  This year eid will be so much different from the year before. Why? It's because we wouldn't have our youngest aunty whom we call "mak su" together with us this year. She is a very noisy person, havoc kinda person and she will be the one who makes our eid the most happening each year. She likes to tease everyone which will make ou...

To me she's the prettiest, she's the strongest, she's the person with the most beautiful heart in this world and she is the best gift from Him that I ever had in this dunya. No. Mother's day obviously is not today. But telling stories about the most important person in my life does not need me to wait for mother's day to come again which only happen once a year. I love my mom so much. ( yeah, I know some of you will say, " WHO DOESN'T?") To me, she is my heart. Once taken, no more heart beating and I guess that you all know what's the consequences when your heart stop beating. I am the only daughter in my family and I have two twin little brothers.  My mom is  an accountant and now is still working. She is now 50. How do I actually describe her in words? Actually no words can describe her. To me, she is the strongest woman in this world like I said before. Through thick and thin in life, she will always be there for us. She will do anyt...

Well most of you would probably thought that medical students are the one who sticks their butt 24/7 on their chair reading books. Pffffftt, you are totally wrong dude. For those who might be wondering and making a wrong assumption, here it goes. Let me tell you a bit about how we actually are.  We actually doesn't look like medical students until the exam time is around the corner. Maybe we would act like one of the medical students during a critical time like a week before exam started. Haha. Like I used to tell you guys, I loved to observe people. Well, from my observation, I can say that most of my friends have got their own super talent. It was amazing you know when you discover that they have been playing violin since the age of 5 years old. Some of them sings really well and some of them can act like a professional artist, Not just that, some of my friends are good in sports and I can say that they can become an athlete. It will just take me days to list all of the t...

" In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it's worth it - unknown " I was just having a little thought on people. Not some random people but people who came into and out of my life as time passed by.  I used to cry when I was a little kid when I was left by anyone who I used to attach to, anywhere be it at school or at home. And I hate them because they left me. However, as I grow older and more wiser (maybe) I started to accept things as they are.  But sometimes, when I sit alone, thinking back about the past, reminiscing the old memory, I started to miss those people that has left my life. They are the reason I am who I am today and I am glad that they ever came and visited heedaayaah's memoryland (my life). Alth...

INSIGHT " The one and only thing that the doctors, lecturers or anyone would not be able to teach you is insight." -quoted from what I can say a smart doctor he is.   No one has ever taught me about the real meaning of insight. Yes, I thought that I had seen the "insight" word somewhere in my psychosis lecture notes. But I don't even know what's the real meaning.  Yeah, as you know, I am an ordinary Malaysian students, who read just to pass the exam. Not knowing the meaning just memorized everything.  But, to my own surprise INSIGHT brings a lot of meaning to a life of a patient out there. What does INSIGHT means to a life of a doctor? Why is it so important that it affects the patients life? When you don't have the INSIGHT you would never ask for help. You always think that you actually know how to solve the problem by yourself. You, yourself are not aware that you do not have the knowledge to solve a particular problem because you w...

Assalamualaikum again! I like to observe people. Their life. Comparing it with my life. I learn to be grateful by doing those things. Really. When I was in the hospital during my clinical days, it's one of those days that all of the students need to go to the hospital and learn something from a very busy and occupied doctor( Sometimes, I felt like I'm a burden to the doctor, lol, but yes.), I always like to observe the enviroment. It's because the enviroment in the hospital is totally different from elsewhere that I had went to. Only people with problems come to the hospital. If you have that kind of opportunity to go to the hospital,have a look at those people in the eyes. Trust me, you' ll be able to feel the empathy. Sometimes, I saw parents who bring their child to the hospital with the intention to cure them. People who bring their mom or dad to the hospital just to see their parents as healthy as before. But sometimes, no. They can't get what they want. ...